he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
