I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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