My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
