just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
