He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
