my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
