I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
