My room smells like vodka and shame
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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