we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
