well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
