i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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