I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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