marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
