i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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