wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
