What a fucking waste of an outfit
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
