she was so not down for the gang bang
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
