Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
