i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
