Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
