I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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