so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
