i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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