yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
