I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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