Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
