the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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