Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
