woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Randomize
