It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
