its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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