I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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