Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
