It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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