chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
