watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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