is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
