Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
MIDGETS
????
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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