I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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