so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
