Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
