my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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