I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
