I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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