I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
