We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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