woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
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im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
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You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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