I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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