god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
