got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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