I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
