well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize