dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
