I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I skipped work to stalk him.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
