My brain says no but my pants say off.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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