i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
