I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
