Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
