and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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