NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
