I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
