Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
