i don't like sucking hair
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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