Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
