i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
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I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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