Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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