I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i think my mom watched the whole time
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
