Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
