My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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