I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
