All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I smell stomach acid.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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