Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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