I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
