that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
