I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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