remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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