I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
