If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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