My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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