And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
