I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
