Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize