So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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