OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
