I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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