I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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