Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
